


Palpy's Pamphlet

by xama



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, also there are two suggested Yoda tags that look exactly the same?, can't tag him twice though, palpatine cucked himself, to use the words of weirdos on reddit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2018-12-26 08:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12055080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xama/pseuds/xama
Summary: General Skywalker,Congratulations on reaching Knighthood. Attached to this message is a pamphlet from Kamino detailing the diverse abilities of their product; please read it at your earliest convenience.Sincerely,the office of Chancellor Palpatine





	1. Chapter 1

It was the Resolute’s night cycle, and as usual Anakin couldn’t fall asleep. He decided that he might as well do something productive, and opened up that pamphlet on his datapad; while there probably wasn’t anything useful in it, he’d rather know what the cloners had to say about their ‘product’ than stay ignorant.

Insubstantial garbage, nothing, nothing, still nothing - but then, in the middle of all the nothing, Anakin found something. A numbered list of orders for the clones. While Anakin scoffed at number 5, number 37 was alarming, number 65 was almost terrifying, and 66 even more so. Of course, the clones Anakin knew and fought with would never do something like that, even if he ordered them to.

Yet the fact that those orders even existed was alarming. He frantically skimmed through the rest of it, and right at the end it mentioned a chip. Supposedly to ‘discourage desertion and dereliction of duty’. But Anakin knew what they really were; he knew intimately, he still had a scar on the back of his neck.

 

* * *

 

On the Negotiator, Obi-Wan Kenobi had just dropped off to sleep when his comm pinged. He looked, making sure it wasn’t from the council - Oh, it was only Anakin. He was on his way to his first solo mission as a Knight; probably just jitters. Obi-Wan ignored it, and, feeling only slightly guilty, went back to sleep.

* * *

 

Padmé stretched, popping a muscle in her back. Her day was full of meetings, one after the other; she checked her calendar - this one was with Orn Fré Ta, great. She sighed, made sure her comm was turned off, and went to meet the bulbous Twilek.

 

* * *

 

Sheev dipped his spoon into his soft-boiled egg, groaning with content. While he did take great pleasure in manipulating the Senate and the Jedi, it was the little things that made life worth living.

Well, not really, but eating a fertilized egg of a severely endangered species was fun. Especially when he’d just met with one of the last remaining adults of said species; whether or not Yoda would show anger at this is still a question.

Another experiment to save for after order 66.

Just as Sheev finished his egg, his comm rang. Ah, young Skywalker. Just in time for his daily dose of manipulation. “My dear boy, it is so nice to hear from you again.”

“Chancellor, I’ve just discovered something awful! In the pamphlet your office sends out, there’s a selection of contingencies that could be catastrophic!”

Sheev silently cursed, of course Skywalker would be the only one to read that. What was supposed to be a taunt turned into a pain in Sidious’ ass. His future apprentice would lose another limb for this.

“You shouldn’t worry so much Anakin, at least not about this. I’m sure that the Jedi Council ordered them merely to assuage Jedi naysayers. Of course, I’m the only one capable of ordering 66, and you know I would never do anything to hurt the Jedi. Although, perhaps one man shouldn’t have that much power...”

“What? No Chancellor, I have complete faith in you! I was just worrying over nothing, I’m sorry I disturbed you.

“Oh, it’s no bother, dear boy. Although, I do hope that the next time you call it’s for a more social reason. Now that you’re no longer a Padawan, you should be free to contact who you wish, when you wish.”

“Yes, Chancellor. Well uh, I should sign off now. I hope you enjoyed your, er, giant green egg?”

“Farewell, Anakin.” Sheev signed off, then swore in earnest. If Skywalker had checked the pamphlet, then others might, too. Now it had to be rewritten and updated - discretely, so Skywalker wouldn’t connect it to their conversation. Marvelous.

 

* * *

 

Anakin rubbed his eyes, deep in thought. Usually talking with Chancellor Palpatine helped alleviate any concerns he had, but this time, it hadn’t. For some reason, even though Anakin hadn’t specified which Orders bothered him, his friend singled out 66, not even mentioning the provisions for his own removal!

While nobody with any sense of decency would try to get rid of Palpatine - well, the Senate was full of politicians, not much decency there. Except for Padmé, of course.

Maybe this should be brought to the council - but no, Palpatine said they’re the ones who ordered the Orders...

Unsettled, Anakin laid down on his bunk, and managed to drift into a fitful sleep.

 

* * *

 

In the force, out of sight, Qui-Gon Jinn cracked a small smile. It had taken a lot out of him, but the force suggestion to read that pamphlet may just fix everything. Or not, but there’s not much Qui-Gon can do either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First non-DC fic I've posted on here, wow. I plan on updating DGAG eventually, but I want to rewrite it, and I'm lazy, so instead I'm writing a SW fic that's going to be a bit long.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...why would he do that? That’s not going to fix anything, it will just make it worse! What kind of fool would undermine himself like that?”
> 
> Palpatine's words and actions unfold in a way that he did not intend them to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter. I hope, and plan, to write more soon. This is the first fic I've written that has a non-joke pairing, so my apologies if the way I write them is weird.

Yoda grunted, looking at his datapad. Changes to something had been made, but what they were, Yoda did not know. Perhaps know, someone else did? No matter, if important this was, know, Yoda would.

 

* * *

 

 

Padmé screamed, and Anakin cursed quietly. Maybe they should have watched a horror holo instead, this political drama is boring him, and infuriating Padmé. Obi-Wan recommended it, which should have been a warning.

He looked at Padmé, and made sure that she, at least, was having fun. It was funny, she spent most of her time around annoying, simpering politicians, and yet wanted to watch fake ones on her free time? Ah, who knew, it might be cathartic. Anakin shrugged to himself, and took out his datapad, planning to do a little bit of light reading, maybe some paperwork, when he saw that it was going through a system update? Strange, he thought he’d disabled those.

When it finished, Anakin went through the code to see what changed. Not much, hardly anything really; no increased power usage, no interference with the ‘net connection, not even an annoying cosmetic change, or a badly made AI foisted on him. Huh.

Then Anakin saw it, a minor change to... his documents? Anakin opened them up and had a look - mainly droid manuals and mission briefings, why would a system update change those? Then he saw the manual from the cloners.

Apprehensive, hoping he was wrong, he opened it and leafed through it. Where the list of contingencies was before, there was now a detailed description of the clones’ training. Eyes wide, he skipped to the end; well, at least the part about the slave chips was still there.

It was just like what Dooku told Obi-Wan; what the council had dismissed. There is a Sith in the senate, or at least a spy. And if there’s a Sith that close to the top... Padmé and the Chancellor were constantly in danger!

“...why would he do that? That’s not going to fix anything, it will just make it worse! What kind of fool would undermine himself like that?” Padmé’s indignant yelling brought him out of his thoughts.

Anakin picked up the remote and paused the holo, it could wait. He needed to get this off his chest now, and Padmé needed to hear it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Palpatine confronts Anakin and Padme over their recent odd behavior.

Sheev frowned, leaning back in his chair. The day’s Senate session had ended over an hour ago, but he had not gone back to his office, where Skywalker was doubtlessly waiting, as he had been every day for the past ten-day.

Skywalker claimed that he had gotten leave and simply wanted to take Sheev up on the offer of more quality time, but there was something off about him. Skywalker was hiding it surprisingly well for a Jedi, but he was radiating worry, as was Amidala.

Sheev was mulling over the 3 most likely scenarios: Perhaps Amidala was pregnant a year ahead of time, and Skywalker was using him as an excuse to hang around the Senate; maybe Skywalker had realized Sheev was a Sith and was not sure what he should do; or, best case scenario, the Jedi Order had done something to shake Skywalker’s faith again, and he’d dragged Amidala into it.

That would be ideal; the better to manipulate them. Of course, it would be even more ideal to wipe both their minds, but that could cause complications further down the line; ever since the pamphlet incident, Sheev has been more wary of snags in his carefully spun web.

Of course, the only way to find out would be to ask (or tear it from Amidala’s mind), so Sheev stood up, and made his way to his office.

 

* * *

 

“Padmé, I’m worried about him! There’s a Si--a... spy running around undetected, and Chancellor Palpatine still isn’t back from the Senate chamber!”

“Ani, I know you’re worried, but you shouldn’t just go AWOL! Obi-Wan has sent me 17 messages-BEEP-18 messages asking me if I knew where you were!”

Anakin looked slightly shocked “...he must really be worried, if he’s showing that he cares.”

To that, Padmé had no reply, and Anakin had no follow up. Thankfully, before the silence could get too awkward, Chancellor Palpatine scared the kriff out of them by clearing his throat.

“Ah! Chancellor, you’re behind us? What?!”

Padmé looked at Palpatine in a resigned fashion, “How much of that did you hear?”

“Oh, more than enough.”

 

* * *

 

In the relative privacy of the Chancellor’s office, Chancellor Palpatine leaned back in his luxurious chair. “So, my dears, what is this I heard about a spy in the Senate?”

Skywalker looked sheepish, Amidala was hiding her emotions behind a mask, and even had some rudimentary shields hiding her emotions. Easy enough to tear away, but hard to do without drawing attention. “Chancellor Palpatine, it has come to our attention that there is someone in the Senate who has been tampering with documents issued by your office.”

Drat, was it that damned pamphlet again? That thing was starting to be more trouble than it had initially been worth, much like the woman in front of him, whose political career should have been ended at blaster-point over ten years ago.

“Well, that is alarming; are you absolutely sure that this is not a clerical error? We try to run a tight ship, but these things do happen occasionally.”

Skywalker shook his head vigorously, neck-length hair somehow managing to stay fabulous, one of his few admirable traits. “It definitely wasn’t an accident, Chancellor. Remember that pamphlet I told you about just twelve days ago? The section about the contingency orders is completely gone!” So it was the pamphlet, too bad; an early pregnancy would have been interestingly scandalous.

“You’re right, that is suspicious; it certainly points to foul play. Do you have any suspects, or just my office staff in general?” Sheev had been very careful about his staff; they were either the most boring, law-abiding bureaucrats on Coruscant, or they were strategically placed scape-goats. Like Mas Amedda, he wasn’t really needed; if need be, everything could be blamed on him, and Sheev would simply have to be more subtle in the future.

Amidalla answered this one, she clearly did not suspect Sheev himself of being the spy, but she was far too good of a politician to trust him the same way that Skywalker did. “We have a few suspects, but we are not completely sure that the spy is in your staff; they may be a Senator, perhaps a member of the Committee of Governmental Self-Censorship.” As she said this, her left hand twitched just a little bit. Skywalker looked like he was about to say something, but she shushed him, gesturing not at Sheev, but at the office. Ah, of course.

“Ah, I feel I spent too long in the Senate chamber today; I missed lunch and probably dinner. Come dine with me so that we may continue this conversation.”

 

* * *

 

For the sake of secrecy, Sheev chose a discrete establishment, leagues above Kenobi and Skywalker’s diner of choice. Once they got there and were shown to a private room, Sheev spoke. “This establishment serves very good nerf steak, and also utilizes state of the art anti-eavesdropping technology. Even their serving droids are deaf, they only respond to orders given through data pads.”

Amidala nodded, “While the spy may be a member of the CoGSC, we suspect Mas Amedda. As Vice-Chancellor, he is technically a member of your staff, and he managed to keep his seat even after Finis Valorum was voted out. His activities since the start of this galactic insurrection have been especially suspicious.”

Ah, perfect, he didn’t even have to plant the idea in their heads. Amedda was good at his job, but he would be no real loss. There were plenty of senators with morals just as bendable who could replace him. “I see, I see. I know that I don’t have to tell you that this should stay between the three of us for the time-being; I would like to gather more evidence before bringing this to light.”

They both nodded, excellent.

 

* * *

 

Obi-Wan sighed, staring desolately into his cup of tea. 10 days, and no word from Anakin, he’d dissappeared from the face of the galaxy right after his debrief. He picked up his comm to call again – he’d tried Senator Amidala upwards of 20 times, Organa 5 times, and Anakin himself almost 100 times. Maybe it was time to call the Chancellor’s office?

Just as he was about to call the chancellor, Anakin called him. What. “Anakin?? Are you alright? Where have you been, why weren’t you answering your comm?”

“Obi-Wan, I uh, I was. In the archives?”

“You were in the archives.”

“...Yes.”

“...for ten days?”

“….yes?”

“...and you never checked your comm?”

“Master Nu has a strict policy about comms in the archives, you know how she gets.”

“Alright, good point, but ten days Anakin? What were you doing?”

“Oh, I noticed some flaws in my starfighter’s engine, so I went to look up some schematics, and I kind of lost track of time.”

“...you know, this would be a lot harder to believe if you hadn’t spent almost a month researching swoop bikes of all things when your were 15.”

“Swoop racing is a completely valid form of entertainment, and I do not want to have this fight again.”

Obi-Wan shook his head, grinning to himself. Good old Anakin, even in the middle of a war all he could think about were engines and deadly ‘sports’. “Just make sure that you present yourself to the council tomorrow, I can only cover for you for so long.”

“Heh, thanks Obi-Wan, you’ve always got my back. May the force be with you.”

“And with you.” Obi-Wan ended the call, shaking his head. Hopefully Anakin would be able to keep his head out of his technical manuals long enough to get briefed on his next mission.

 

* * *

 

As Anakin packed the few belongings he’d taken with him into a bag, Padmé frowned. She knew he had to go back to the Jedi temple, and that he really shouldn’t have been living with her at all, but it had been nice.

Anakin looked up, and noticed her frown; he abandoned his efforts to shove his spare pair of robes into his overnight bag to hold her hands. “Angel, what’s wrong? Are you thinking about the spy?”

Padmé almost blushed, really her husband brought out the teenaged romantic in her, what with his pet names and undying love and admiration. “No no, nothing like that; it’s silly really, I just wish that you could-” stay here one more night, leave the Jedi and stay here forever, make me dinner every night like you have for the past ten, she doesn’t say.

He knew what she meant, though; of course he did, he probably felt the same way. “I could stay here. One more night, that is. I’m only leaving tonight because I wanted to comb the archives for some technical manuals to back up my alibi, but you’re more important.”

Padmé had really lucked out in the husband department, hadn’t she? “No, no Ani, you should get back to the temple, don’t entertain my unrealistic fantasies.”

“They won’t always be unrealistic.”

Padmé smiled at Anakin, and moved her hand from his to touch his cheek; “I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three people reflect on Anakin, and come up with surprisingly similar methods of reigning him in - although, while their methods are similar, their motivations range from pure to pure malice.

Obi-Wan hated to admit it, but he was starting to miss Anakin’s constant presence by his side. They worked well as a team and would consequently be paired together on missions relatively often, but Obi-Wan knew it wouldn’t be the same as when Anakin was his padawan. They were on separate missions right now, and Obi-Wan hoped that whatever Anakin was doing, he would trust in the Force and think before he rushed in to battle. If Obi-Wan was on the High Council, he would know what Anakin was doing, but he had only just become a Master, and there were no vacancies that needed filling for now, although that would probably change as the war wore on. In truth, Obi-Wan was in no hurry to become a member of the Council, he was busy enough as it was.

Anakin being knighted not only meant that Obi-Wan no longer had a lackey to foist some of his duties onto, it also meant that there was no one to temper Anakin’s recklessnes. Rushing into battle without thinking, relying on the Force and mad-cap plans alone to save the day – it was dangerous. And now he didn’t have Obi-Wan to bail him out, to advise caution and if need-be pull rank, to have contingencies at the ready for when the poodoo hit the hyperdrive. When Anakin’s recklessness got him into real trouble, and there was no-one to save him – maybe he would get out of it alive, maybe he would learn. Or maybe he would die, and Obi-Wan would blame himself for not being able to teach him caution and diplomacy. 

Maybe Qui-Gon would have been able to get Anakin to listen, to stop and think before he acted, or at least to make better use of his frankly amazing ability to lie baldfacedly without making anyone suspicious. It had taken Obi-Wan a long time to notice – Anakin used his ability to lie to convince everyone he met that he was a terrible liar. Perhaps Obi-Wan had been going about it the wrong way this entire time – perhaps Anakin could not be taught caution and diplomacy by having it drilled into his head, the Force only knew how many people had tried. Obi-Wan certainly had, as well as many members of the Council, and even Chancellor Palpatine has tried to get Anakin to at least look before he leaps. Maybe it was time for a change in tactic.

Obi-Wan knew that he had learned more about the Force, patience, and even himself by raising Anakin than he’d learned in his 13 years as an initiate, possibly more than he’d learned as Qui-Gon’s padawan. Perhaps Anakin, who had always been a more hands-on learner despite his occasional mechanics-related archive binges, would finally internalize his lessons if he had to watch out for a padawan just as reckless as he had been.

Obi-Wan made a note to check out the Creche at the Corellian Jedi Temple.

-

There had always been an abnormally large amount of shatterpoints focused around Skywalker, although then again Skywalker had also always had an abnormally large number of midichlorians, so Mace supposed the shatterpoints were warranted.

Recently though, Skywalker’s shatterpoints had started shrinking. Sometimes that could be a good thing – but most of the options that were being erased were ones that Mace would consider good, ideal even. He didn’t always get a clear vision of what could happen, but he got a feeling, and his feelings told him that he should be extra vigilant around Skywalker.

Because of his constant vigilance, Mace had noticed a few things about Skywalker that he hadn’t before: he was a Qui-Gon-level maverick, he was surprisingly good with children, he could do things with a wrench that defied the laws of physics, and he was dangerously unattached to the Temple. The first few were not necessarily bad, in fact most of them would see Skywalker assigned to doing something he loved, but the last one made everything dangerous. Ideally, Jedi were not supposed to be attached to anything, not even the title of ‘Jedi’. Realistically, Jedi tended to be happier and less likely to fall when they felt as if they were part of a big community; if they were attached to and invested in the idea of being a Jedi and the institution that was the Jedi Order, they were actually healthier and better at doing their jobs than the completely unattached, more monk-like members of the Order. So attachment to the Order, and to a much lesser extent within the Order, was encouraged. Skywalker’s only attachment in the Order was Kenobi, and possibly Madame Nu for some reason, even though she didn’t treat him any differently than other Jedi. Skywalker clearly had at least two attachments outside the Order – to the Chancellor, and to his mother. Possibly something with Senator Amidala, although close friendships and alliances with politicians was rarely discouraged, especially not during a Galaxy-spanning war.

If the Council tried to get Skywalker attached to the Temple by assigning him to long-term Creche duty, there was a chance that he would grab the younglings and fly away. If they assigned him to an allied ship yard, he could desert the Order, an event that would surely be followed by mass death and destruction. If he was assigned to long-term missions away from his attachments, there was a glaring impression of fire, pain, and betrayal.

There must be some way to get Skywalker attached to the Order and isolate him from his dangerous attachments before it was too late. Kidnapping him and sending him to the Force Monastery on Jeddha was an option, although a drastic one. Perhaps taking charge of an orphaned padawan would do the trick, it could even be the catalyst that got Skywalker to start properly releasing his anger and trauma into the Force, so that they wouldn’t interfere with an already traumatized child.

-

Sheev had been trying to get Skywalker and Grievous in the same place for weeks, but there was always something that drew one of them away. Usually it was Skywalker, flying off on his own and winning the battle faster than he should have, or uncovering troop movements, intercepting Separatist communications, and generally being a pain in Sheev’s rear.

Skywalker’s unpredictability didn’t really effect the main plan, but it did mean that getting his pound of flesh was difficult, and it pointed to Skywalker being more Maul-ish than desired when he finally broke. Perhaps a leash was needed – Skywalker was reckless, but would he endanger a child? Well, he was endangering children every day, but it was not yet time to remind him of that. Sheev didn’t really see any downside to saddling Skywalker with a padawan – if it made him resent the Council for giving him this burden, that was good; if it made him attached to a young barely-trained child in a bloody, dangerous battle against foes who were incapable of having mid-battle moral crisis about shooting at children, well that was better.

Perhaps an apprentice for Skywalker was the answer to all of Sheev’s momentary troubles – get him predictable, and present safer target to take Skywalker’s punishment out on. If the child died, it would crush Skywalker, but it would not render him useless. If the child lived, perhaps killing it would be Skywalker’s first act as a Sith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh I know it's been a while since I updated, this chapter has been sitting on my computer since summer, so I edited it and posted it. I'll upload the next one when I write it, which will hopefully be before Christmas! This fic is not dead!


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